We crave being in relationship. We crave being seen and loved and chosen by someone else. 🥹

Intimate relationships or partnerships are woven into the fabric of what it is to be human. 

We crave this intimacy and yet we often don’t have the tools to navigate all the parts of this type of deeply intimate relationship. 

Or we carry so much conditioning or trauma from our childhood relationships with our caregivers or past adult relationships, all of it making us act in ways that are very counterintuitive to the deep intimacy and love we crave while in partnership. 

Relationships build us up, they expose us, they shelter us, they break us down… They mirror to us all the tender parts within that are asking to be examined, loved, integrated, or released. 

Often when we step into relationships, it’s not via intentionality, but through biology. Who we are attracted to, who we have the best sex with, who smells the best… These are primal pathways towards partnership. 

As the relationship evolves and ages over time, we often lose that primal biological component in the face of what relationships bring up for us… the traumas from our childhood, our coping mechanisms, default patterns of behavior that no longer serve us, and the vulnerability of being seen in all of our humanness by another. 

And many individuals within partnerships just cope with all of the storms that can come from this…

We often have this false programming that we must suffer silently in relationship, or that we’re the only one.. or that WE must be broken…  so we pack up inside of ourselves and put large parts of ourselves into hibernation… sometimes for decades! 

But if we can step into a different perspective, we may be able to see that BECAUSE relationships mirror all of our past wounds and traumas to us… 

They are the keys to our deepest healing and to the liberation of our lineage of programs and wounds that may have been passed down for generations. 

We can use the power of relationship to grow, evolve, and thrive in ways that we could NEVER do on our own. 

If we can gain this perspective and then work toward creating a safe environment within the relationship to heal past traumas or ways of relating that aren’t actually in alignment anymore, it is a natural evolution to the next phase on this pathway that we’re on in relationship… 

Biological primal attraction -> time passes -> we feel safer with each other -> more of our inner hidden parts emerge in this safety -> we have the tools and support to navigate these as they emerge -> we create even more safety with intention -> we heal and evolve together and as individuals -> which leads to deeper love, deeper intimacy, deeper connection. 

Most of us don’t have examples of folks who have been together 20, 40, 60 years and who are thriving, more in love than they were in the beginning, having AMAZING sex still, and communicating in a respectful way. 

Speaking of amazing sex, sexuality is a HUGE part of relating in deep partnership with someone for the rest of your life. So gathering tools and frameworks to use to maintain that sexy connection and even deepen it to new levels over time in a way that feels really satisfying to both people within the partnership, is crucial. 

Not many people really talk about this stuff. 

But you know me… :) 

What sort of tools are available to utilize in order to navigate alllll the different sorts of issues that come up in relationships, and then to help you and your partner to unite in a shared vision and intention toward a future that is more aligned in all ways for both individuals AND for the couple as a unit? 

Check these out and see if any of them would work for your relationship: 

• Healing inner wounding in each individual will help the relationship collectively thrive. We see reflections of what is going on inside each individual (addictions, traumas, programs, patterns) playing out in the dynamic of the relationship.

• Set an intention for the relationship! Very few relationships begin in an intentional way… Explore this.. what is your shared intention? If your intention is to love each other as much as two people can possibly love each other.. that will create a much different relationship than if your intention is “til death do us part,” or “to never cheat on each other,” or “to never get divorced.” 

• Choose how you want to relate to each other. It’s not about how right you are for each other, how sexy you are, or if you’re soul mates or not… if what you’re creating is based on relating to each other how your parents interacted with each other instead of adapting to the person right in front of you and who they ARE, for example. 

• Create a safe space within the partnership to heal trauma and wounding as it shows up. Most of us unintentionally project our traumas on our partner. Sometimes our trauma and withdrawal or coping mechanisms show up as “I don’t love this person anymore.” Or “I’m broken.” Or “This relationship is broken now.” When we can properly identify the issue that’s contributing to these feelings or perceptions within the safety of our relationship, knowing we can explore it and heal without being shamed or rejected, we can move toward a shared common intention or goal together.

• Realize how issues related to sex can be the deepest keys for healing within relationships. At first sex is about biology and projections, but eventually, it becomes about biology, healing, and evolution. When we see sex for what it really is, we can go through the periods of distance, numbness, and separation knowing that they are keys to our greatest spiritual, emotional, personal, and relationship evolution. Sex can be a pathway to our greatest connection to self, other, and the Divine in this way. 

These tools provide a sort of structure or framework for us to dive deeper into relationship as we navigate anything that comes up, instead of this coping mechanism many of us have of allowing these issues to drive us apart. 

Staying in a *healthy* relationship to use clarity and evolved communication to navigate issues as they arise takes massive amounts of courage … 

(Note: I am not advising staying in or trying to make it work in a relationship that is foundationally unsafe.)

And usually also massive reprogramming of these ways we would normally behave, which are based on past wounding and childhood traumas. 

It’s complex. And often kind of heart-achingly confusing when you’re in the thick of it. 

If you’d like further resources on this, keep your eyes peeled for emails from me in the coming months. I’ll be sharing more on this topic as I gear up for my next free workshop in March TBA, on Conscious Relationships. I might even convince my beloved husband to write an email or two from his male perspective, and maybe even join me in the free workshop too :) 

And if it feels aligned, please reach out! I offer a free Soul Mapping Session for COUPLES, to see if we can gain some clarity on what’s going on, where you’d like to be as a couple in the future, and then possible steps to get there. 

From there we can decide if we’d be a good fit to work together 1:2 to help you take those steps towards the relationship your souls are craving!