A New Path

Trying to put words to a sacred experience like birth, death, rebirth, or journeying seems almost pointless. But I know the point of some humans like myself is to share stories so we can all experience these things collectively.

One phrase kept repeating itself in my mind over and over again as I journeyed with plant medicine the other day, and that was: “We are all just walking each other home.”

This phrase was originally made popular by Ram Dass, formerly known as Dr. Richard Alpert, once a researcher of psychedelic drugs at Harvard University in the 1960s (who performed the first controlled double-blind study of psychedelics as they relate to the mystical experience of human life, back before this type of plant and experimentation was made “illegal”) who was dismissed from his position there and ultimately became a world-renowned spiritual teacher.

Anyway, I’ve only ever watched one documentary about him (and now that I’m thinking about it, he was mentioned in a book I read ages ago called “Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test”), so I don’t have a very close relationship with him in my daily life or daily conscious thought, and yet, there he was, in my journey, his phrase “We are all just walking each other home” PERFECTLY encapsulating the knowledge and downloads that I was receiving from Source.

I have explored mushroom medicine previously, but not until this year have I sat with this medicine in ceremony. Wow, the energy with which one experiences this medicine — for me at least — makes such a huge difference.

No longer exploring the social benefits of microdosing among friends in order to feel good and giggly and perhaps see some cool visual effects, the medicine has been asking for something deeper, a venue within which to transmit messaging that is needed for me as an individual to make my journey of ascension, as well as for the collective to come along with me in whatever way that looks for others.

Establishing a sacred and protected container within which to experience the effects of this medicine, with crystals, smudging, prayer, meditation, fasting, clearing, and intention, I finally sat on my blanket in my back yard, watched-over lovingly from inside the house by my husband (now known as Papa Forest haha), and ate the medicine.

The experience that followed, again, seems almost pointless to describe. It included many amazing visual experiences, and what I have determined to be a clearer ability to see what reality truly is on an energetic level. If only everyone could see reality as I saw it that day, we would never have any doubts to our divinity, or the divinity of each object, plant, mineral, animal, or person that comes into our sphere.

When I was in that space of the medicine, “with the medicine” as we say, I felt myself as part of the greater web of collective and Source knowledge, wisdom, and information. My higher self was working along with the Divine in order to show me the answers to my questions and paint the psychedelic picture of what I am working toward in my lifetime -> walking toward Home.

One of the many questions I asked was if I was meant to continue serving as a midwife. The experiences I have had lately in my work have encouraged me to question my role, my identity as a midwife.

Tuning into this golden matrix and weblike structure of higher knowing and Source wisdom, I heard and felt a crystal clear answer to that question: No. I am not meant to continue serving as a midwife.

Just as some babies are meant to live their lives solely within their mother’s womb and pass onto the next frequency before existing outside of their mother’s bodies, I was meant to exist in the frequency of “Midwife” in this community for only the short time that I have been, serving these specific women and babies and families that I have served, and no longer needed to serve others in that way.

(By the way, I am not comparing the emotional aspects of stillbirth with the emotional aspects of discontinuing my work as a midwife, I know they are not actually anywhere close to the same experiences, but since I did experience holding space for a stillbirth recently, this is the comparison that came to mind most clearly for me as I began embodying my new truth of “No Longer A Midwife.”)

With all that being said, my path from here forward became more clear as well.

“We are all just walking each other home.”

I am sharing my experience because I know it’s my path to do so. I know that it will affect others and their paths. I know that we are all affecting each other as we make our way through life, mostly because I see very clearly now that we are all just different lineages, different expressions of the Divine… which means we are all the same, just in different places on The Path.

Walking towards Home.

And let me tell ya, Home is beautiful. This NOW is beautiful as well, of course, but … Home… sigh… from where we came and to where we will all return :) Absolute Paradise.

And once again, just like after my last NON-psychedelic plant medicine journey, eating food catapulted me right back into this 3D reality again, and there was some sadness there for me, at being disconnected from the magic of my journey.

But I know, this is part of it. Yes, opening with the medicine to the mysteries of the Universe is important, in order to receive the messaging and share with the collective, so we can all make our journeys Home…

But integrating into this 3D reality is also extremely important work. Integrating the messaging into my daily life, raising my kids in authenticity and integrity, deepening my bond with my partner, supporting my community to grow and flourish in alignment with our highest vision, and all the little small actions that make up each and every day in this existence… They matter.

So, here I am now.

Continuing my work, but in a different way. I’ve pivoted onto a new timeline.

I’m thankful for the experience of losing my Self with the medicine.

And being reborn anew.

I feel I am in a space of many potentialities :) And it feels amazing.

Thanks for journeying with me on my path in the birth world. I know some of you have been on my mailing list for 5 years! I see you and appreciate you, and of course all the new friends I’ve gathered to my little corner of the internet along the way as well.

I can’t imagine I will never ever again sit with a woman as she traverses the veil to fetch her baby’s soul to bring him or her down into this reality…

But I also can’t imagine going back to that old version of myself. Of being on call, constantly tethered to electronic devices, and looked up to by women (as they make this momentous journey that — at least in MY view — is one of the greatest opportunities to deepen in their own knowing and to resource themselves as they transform into the next expanded versions of themselves, as they journey into Motherhood and lose their old identities.)

This transition — of conception, pregnancy, birth, and the YEARS of postpartum — is like a sacred ceremony, and the idea of a power dynamic within ceremony, of women giving me their power, as often as I redirected it back toward them, was something that was just not sitting well with me at all.

So for me, I will turn inward as well.

I will resource myself, I will care for myself, I will journey, I will move my body, I will express my creativity, I will cook good food, I will put my hands in the dirt, I will spend time in Nature receiving her messages without the interference of electronic frequencies following me around wherever I go.

I will travel, I will have the time and energy to read books to my kids for as long as they want me to, to play volleyball in the backyard with them for as long as their little arms can take it, to ride bikes around town without checking my phone to make sure I haven’t “missed” something from someone outside of my family.

I will be fully and completely present with my husband, for the first time in many many years. I will listen to him with an open heart that is not fatigued from doing so for countless other women, as I did during my short-but-sweet birth-working career. I will have the time and energy to connect with him intimately in ways we have not been able to since before we started having kids.

And life, this life, this reality, is so sweet. I’m honored that I am able to step onto this path, I’m honored that I bore witness to the events of the last few months of my life, because they encouraged me to make this leap and to tune into what Source is really wanting from me in this time.

Looking forward to sharing more of this new path as I move further along it as well :) Who knows what life will look like in the coming months or what — if anything —  I will determine “fit to share,” but …