Note: this post contains affiliate links.. I do this because I’ve tried these products myself and I know their quality and can recommend them 100%. I’ve included links to Amazon as well as female-owned companies because Amazon prices tend to be more affordable. Feel free to explore and purchase these items or similar ones elsewhere if you would like. 

I love talking about and practicing self-pleasure for healing.

Bringing intention into self-pleasure is important.

When I say “self-pleasure practice,” I don’t mean laying down, using a vibrator, imagining a fantasy, and coming in 5 minutes because you need to release some pressure. 

That has its time and place (no hate), but when I talk about self-pleasure, I’m speaking to a more intentional practice where we are setting the mood, taking our time, building pleasure in the body slowly, constantly redirecting our mind and energy into our body to observe and befriend and build the sensations we are experiencing, breathing, sounding, and then using that extended state of pleasure as a sweet sweet balm or tonic for our nervous system… 

Reveling in it… allowing it to permeate each cell of our body, down inside of our bones, allowing the pleasure and the extended energy of self-love to rewire our bodies, to heal us, and to bring us into closer union with our own self/Truth and with the Divine.

Typically these sorts of ritualized self-pleasure ceremonies last at least 40 minutes and can go for as long as you’d like.. I’ve personally experienced 2+ hour self-pleasure sessions before! That’s about my max time allotment at this time as a working mother.. But I know women who go for much longer than that and devote a whole day each week to doing this healing work.

Healing self-pleasure is a practice, a devotional practice just like meditation.

You show up on the mat (or perhaps, in this case, the mattress 😏) at routine intervals (perhaps it’s every morning or evening, perhaps it’s one set day per week for a specific amount of time, like a therapy sesh), and you create a temple within, honoring yourself and your healing and your own worthiness to experience pleasure and ecstatic states in this lifetime. 

From this place of embodied Truth, expression, power, ecstasy, healing, and exploration of our shadows (because those do show up during self-pleasure when it’s used as a healing practice!), we are able to exist in the world more freely, with lightness, with more energy… we can show up more authentically in our mothering and our relationships with our partners, friends, and community… more authentically in our service to ourselves, our families, and the world..

It’s amazing, the radiance that is unlocked, from incorporating self-pleasure into our healing journey!

If this is making you say “Yes, yes, yesssssss!” inside… 

I invite you to join the erotic mother community waitlist!

This is a sisterhood, an online temple space, and a group coaching container where we will join together each month in sacred ritual to do just this… to learn, to grow, and to heal in pleasure… together! 

+ Monthly group coaching calls

+ Monthly temple nights 🔥 where I will guide us through these trauma-informed, somatic self-pleasure and breathwork practices

+ Weekly shorter optional homeplay exercises for you to do at home to bring the shift further into your lived experience

+ Group sisterhood community chat to gather collectively and cheer each other on + share personal experiences

You can take the practices from the community and begin your own self-pleasure practice at home, whenever you want. 

Check out the info page here and sign up for the waitlist to be notified when temple doors open :)

And because I’m such a huge advocate, and I have seen such life-changing transformation in my own life and the lives of my clients and sisters who I’ve shared this with… 

I decided to make a little round-up post of all my favorite toys to use for these pleasure practices. 

I’m 100% in love with using just your own hands and fingers as your “tools” for these practices… 

AND… phew, chica… I can’t even explain the depths we can go when we also use sacred tools and toys to deepen the practice! 

If you are interested in trying some of these toys out, just keep in mind that it’s SO important to honor our body’s signals + yeses, and nos when we experiment and play with self-pleasure for healing..

We don’t want to be re-traumatizing ourselves or closing ourselves down even more in the name of healing.

With both the vulva/vagina and the anus, it’s important to attune to these parts of our body first, ask permission to touch and enter.. Hold the toy or finger at the entrance and allow the vagina or anus to “suck” the toy in when it’s ready.. Trust me, this will happen, and/or you’ll hear such a strong internal YES from your body that it will be 100% clear when to put these toys further into your body.

So.. With that very important piece established, here are my all-time tested, tried, and true favorite sex toys, in no particular order: 

Another note: please boil your new toys in boiling water for 10 minutes when they first come to your home. This clears other energies, cleans them, and attunes them to the frequency of you and your space. After their first boil, you can just clean them with soap and water (or put them in the dishwasher or use hydrogen peroxide) between each use. If you don’t want to boil your crystal toys, just bring water to a boil for 10 minutes, turn the flame off, and then submerge your crystal toys into the boiled water for at least 10 minutes. 

Glass Wand or Glass Dildo

This is high-quality borosilicate glass that is shatter resistant, easy to sanitize, perfectly weighted, can be used for temperature play, is waterproof, and so so smooth.

1️⃣ I love this one because of the beads! And the curve! It can be used for cervical de-armoring and/or stimulation, g-spot stimulation, and the beads feel really great going in and out of the entrance of a really turned on vagina. Yum.

2️⃣ This one is similar but is made with a smaller diameter and less intense beading. It’s not curved so it’s not for g-spot stimulation but it feels really great to build pleasure, awareness, and sensation. 

3️⃣ Use code ASHLEYC for 10% off this one and anything else on this site. Full disclosure I have not tried this one personally yet but based on what I know and feel from my own experience and those of some of the women I’ve worked with, this is top of my wishlist (as of this writing, it’s out of stock but I will be buying mine as soon as it’s restocked!) The handle of this one is a game changer - rounded ball-shaped handles are just not that easy to hang onto when you’re using oil or lube.. And the shape is perfect for exploring g-spot stimulation gently, as well as general sensation-building! 

Jade, Glass, or Rose Quartz Yoni Egg

I love the deep-level healing these eggs offer. Especially if you’re not feeling much sensation in your vagina or you’ve experienced trauma that you’d like to release from your womb/vagina/vulva, the egg is the best tool for this.

It’s great for internal energy play as well, and for toning/strengthening/relaxing the pelvic muscles.

I recommend real jade, rose quartz, or glass because some other materials/stones are not as durable or safe for internal use or energy work, especially when there is a hole drilled through them as in yoni eggs (this hole makes certain stones more prone to cracking).

If you’ve had children or are experiencing total numbness in your vagina, I invite you to start with a large or medium sized egg.

Maidens or women with lots of sensation can start with a medium or small.

If you’re pregnant, do not use a jade/glass/stone egg, the jade egg practice has always been contraindicated during pregnancy for the thousands of years it’s been utilized in the Toaist tradition.

1️⃣ Use code ASHLEY (without the C) for 10% off this one and anything else on this site! The traditional jade stone brings so much heart/womb/vagina connection and healing down on a cellular level. High quality jade can be worn inter-vaginally all day if desired, because of how calming, peaceful, healing, and protective the energy of this stone is (not the case with other more activating stones!). Use this jade yoni egg to rebalance, release old unwanted energies, and attune your yoni to the integrity of your authentic heart space. I have never felt more connected to my roots and my primal ancient wisdom as when I’ve used this egg.

2️⃣ Use code ASHLEY for 10% off this one! This rose quartz option is definitely higher frequency more buzzy energy to use internally, but nonetheless deeply grounding and healing in a sort of soft buzzy way. I’ve experienced some of my greatest heart healing realizations while using this stone egg. Rose quartz is also a heart chakra stone but to me it feels more youthful and less ancient than jade. Which can be really nice :)

Note: you can use use unscented dental floss or plain silk string to string your yoni egg. Discard the string after each use.

Glass Anal Plug

It’s amazing how fearful we are of our own buttholes, and yet how for both men and women this is a portal to some of the deepest most profound root chakra healing and connection to the Divine. Seriously, cosmic-level experiences lie here, within your butt, and we’ve been made to fear or shun this part of ourselves.. Hmmm.. wonder why… ?

Healing and activating this area of the body is so fun, profound, and primal and really adds such a level of groundedness to everyday life that can’t be found through any other avenue. 

1️⃣ This is a little set of three glass anal plugs that is great if you’re wanting to take baby steps with this very sensitive and usually closed-off part of yourself. Start with the smallest one and work your way up from there.

2️⃣ Use code ASHLEYC for 10% off this one! This one feels super feminine and cute to me! I love using this one during upright breathwork or self-pleasure practices when I’m sitting up because it really provides the ultimate focal point for the origin of kundalini when I’m incorporating energy work into my practice.

3️⃣ FUNFETTI anal plug?! Who needs to be too serious while exploring the anal realms? This one really brings the party, fun, and lightness into anal healing. I love using this one when I’m sharing intimacy with my partner and we’re feeling really silly and playful with each other, or if I’m craving some levity in my life in general and want to bring that into my self-pleasure practice. :)

De-Armoring Wand

De-armoring is using pressure to release areas of tension or stored trauma.

We carry this inside the vagina, on the cervix, and also externally on the vulva and surrounding areas.

Using a wand like these examples is a great way to incorporate internal pressure release, always starting out really gently and using the breath and sound to release the sensations that come up while de-armoring.

The flow I like to use with de-armoring sessions is:

apply pressure -> breathe into that area and feel the sensation -> exhale while sounding to release the energy from that spot (repeat)

I personally carried so much tension, armoring, and scar tissue from my sexual history as well as the experiences of my births.

My pelvic floor physical therapist recommended using a wand like this so I could continue the de-armoring and pressure release at home after my sessions with her.

Fun fact is that most women carry too much tension in their pelvic floor and vaginal/vulval tissues, contrary to popular messaging about the need to do kegels to tighten and tone the pelvic floor.

Most of us need to actually learn how to RELEASE the pelvic floor.

I truly believe pelvic floor de-armoring is what helped my second and third birth experiences go so quickly and without pain. (Not to mention the general health benefits like more blood flow, eliminating numbness and pain, better bladder control, better sex, and easier orgasms :))

1️⃣ Use code ASHLEYC for 10% off this one. This one is nice and long and I love the texture of the handle. It allows for easy manipulation of the wand even when it’s wet/lubed up and you can really get in there all the way along all sides of the vaginal canal, all around the cervix into the fornices, and all areas of the cervix’s surface as well. This doubles as a combo g-spot/cervix stimulator for when you’re ready to explore cervical orgasm, too.

2️⃣ This is the exact model I started using in my early days of de-armoring and it’s the model my pelvic floor physical therapist recommend…

AND I don’t recommend it as much as the cervix serpent above because it’s made from acrylic and I don’t like that material for interior work. However, it’s really lightweight and definitely less expensive so it can be a good starting point for you if you’re unsure and wanting an easier entry to this type of experience. 

Stone or Crystal Wand

I’ve had some of the most profound heart healing during self-pleasure using my crystal wands!

These are great because you can choose to bring in the specific energy/frequency/healing properties from the crystal of your choice, deep inside your body + combined with self-pleasure + intention, this creates healing in deeper ways than you could using just hands or a glass/metal wand.

Also great if you just want to switch it up and experience new sensations from a different weight/density material. :) You can also charge these up in the sunshine or ocean/river water to bring in the energetics of those forces of nature/elements as well.

1️⃣ Use code ASHLEYC for 10% off this one. I have the rose quartz version of this one and the quality of the quartz plus the frequency it carries… PHEW! Talk about heart expansion and deep, ancient, profound levels of healing! They offer this in obsidian too which I can imagine would induce its own intensity of healing, soothing, and protection. 

2️⃣ This one I like because it’s smaller and specifically designed for g-spot stimulation! Plus you can’t beat the price for something of this quality. 

G-Spot Toy

Let’s be honest, a lot of the above toys can be used for g-spot stimulation (anything with a curve is generally great for this!) so if you don’t want to have a separate toy specifically for this purpose, just skip this category.

ANDDDDD if you want to explore squirting or g-spot healing/orgasm specifically for your own healing/expansion journey, these toys specific to the g-spot are game changers!

It’s lovely to have the perfect intense curve to really press in and stimulate this area.

1️⃣ This one is glass, affordable, the handle makes gripping the toy during your practice really easy. Because you will use a lot of lube during g-spot exploration plus things just get juicier from stimulating this spot… not to mention the potential of squirting! You need a good handle! 

2️⃣ Mmmm this one, the weight of this solid steel g-spot toy is just so good and adds a lot of depth to the experience. This, by the way, can be used for g-spot stimulation and/or prostate stimulation and since it’s stainless steel you just boil it between uses if you ever need to. If you’ve never used a metal toy before, highly recommend this one!

There you have it, friends!

All of my top tried-and-true self pleasure toys and tools :)

Let me know if you end up trying any of these out!

And if you’re super curious and wanting to learn some practices that you can use any/all of these sacred sex toys with, please join the waitlist for The Erotic Mother!

We will dive into sacred practices using these tools for healing and expansion, together, in sisterhood, during our monthly temple nights.

Can’t wait to see you there!