Wondering why you can’t feel as much desire or pleasure since becoming a mother?
Try these 6 nervous system soothers ↓ to update old programming and bring back the juicy aliveness you crave.
Love and hate to break it to you if you’re not already aware but… generations of cultural shame, guilt, repression… it’s all still there in your nervous system…
Even though we’ve gone through liberation as a collective in many ways.. we are still showcasing individual barriers within ourselves on a nervous system level, which block us from connecting with our own individual liberation and pleasure.
Backstory: In the beginning, according to some major religions, Adam and Lilith were in the garden… They were sharing intimacy and Lilith wanted to be on top, which made Adam (and God) uncomfortable. Lilith chose to leave Adam and lay with a demon because she so desired sexual satisfaction, and knew she could get it there.
Next, God made Adam another woman, a subservient one named Eve, who was ok with following rules and living a life in service to her man and to God. But even SHE broke the rules and got them exiled from the garden, thrown into survival instead of ease, and into the pain of childbearing and childbirth.
The origin story in these religions that our society was built upon dissuades women from sensual satisfaction, equality, and the desire for knowledge. It programs all of us, whether religious or not, that life is about survival, that childbearing/birthing/rearing is painful.
And god forbid we want to actually feel pleasure, that is demonic!
This (in addition to our own lived experiences which create tension within) is what we work against on a nervous system level when we want to wake to feel pleasure in pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.
If we want intimacy not just for making babies or for our partner’s satisfaction.. But for our OWN pleasure… We often have to soothe our nervous systems in order to help ourselves know that it is safe.. and we will survive (not be cast out) and thrive if we experience pleasure in our bodies.
When we update our own nervous systems to reflect this truth, then we are able to create even more profound collective transformation, too.
It starts inside the bodies of women, and spreads to families, and then culture from there.
How can you move this through in a truly impactful way that allows you to e x p a n d into the sensation, pleasure, desire, and aliveness you crave in motherhood? Here are my top 6 resources for doing just that. ->
DISCLAIMER: I’d love to start by saying that we don’t want to overwhelm ourselves with any of these practices. Titration (going at a pace that doesn’t overwhelm our nervous system) and giving ourselves compassion, are important so we don’t overwhelm the nervous system in the name of healing..
At the same time, though, we build our resilience and capacity by telling ourselves “I CAN feel what comes up… The fact that I don’t want to is just because that is what has been taught. I am teaching myself something different and more expansive now.”
Pendulate between the safety of the known and the expansion into the new paradigm you’re crafting, as you are able to.
WIth that being said… THE LIST! ↓
1: Somatic Body Awareness -
Engage in body scans during self-pleasure or intimacy to increase embodiment + awareness of your physical sensations.
Try not to escape into your mind or into fantasy during these potent times.
Each sensual experience deeply programs the nervous system.
Escaping out of the body and into mental chatter or a fantasy dictates what kind of emotions we are feeling in our bodies and minds during intimacy/self-pleasure.
This wires the brain/nervous system to associate pleasure with a specific set of experiences.
You can imagine that associating mental chatter about your to-do list for the next day every time you’re intimate would dry up your mojo pretty quickly! [The message to your body is that Pleasure = Chores?!]
This is an avoidance/coping mechanism to keep us from feeling our full pleasure and full aliveness.
The key to some of our greatest sensual experiences and nervous system healing is through presence with our somatic experience and the sensations in our body.
Create positive associations by focusing on the pleasurable sensations of your body during intimacy or self-pleasure.
2: Breathwork -
Practicing conscious connected breathing with no pause between the inhale and exhale or exhale and inhale for 5 minute increments as you are able,
releases stored emotional trauma through the breath
calms the nervous system,
and reduces anxiety and stress.
This is great if you don’t want to or can’t necessarily pinpoint exactly where your hangups are in your psyche or soma, breathwork doesn’t need to know.. It just WORKS :)
(Side effects of breathwork include tetany (feeling frozen/stiff) or tingling in the hands and feet and around the nose or mouth.
This is normal and indicates it is workinnnnng!
If you can continue INTO the tingling/tetany, you will go deeper into the healing process within your nervous system.
If it feels like too much, or you are pregnant or have a major health condition, slow down or breathe normally.)
3: Shadow work -
Practices that focus on healing and nurturing and integrating the inner child, past traumas, cultural programming, and primal wounds address the root causes of shame and guilt.
I’m sure you can imagine having your inner wounded 7 year old in charge internally during pleasure or intimacy would wire your nervous system into high alert or escapism/numbness, creating a snowball effect.
When we are able to heal these wounded parts of ourselves, and also tap into more aligned and evolved inner parts (for example, your inner temple priestess), we can then give those healthy parts the keys and permission to drive our experiences, which soothes the nervous system by renegotiating the structure of our interior world in a way that makes more sense.
Inner temple priestess in charge during intimacy > inner wounded 7 year old in charge during intimacy!
4: Sounding -
Especially sounding from the belly, tones the vagus nerve, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, putting us into a deep state of feeling and connectivity, where the best pleasure emerges from.
During self-pleasure, a healing session, or intimate time, sound amplifies what is being experienced (for example sadness or anger) which facilitates deeper awareness/integration.
If you sound sensations of pleasure, you amplify that too.
Many of us have closed down our voice or altered it by only sounding what could be perceived as acceptable sounds/noises, but when we practice tapping into our own authentic sounds, this can be a portal to our authentic truth, emotions, experiences, and body, not to mention all the nervous system benefits, too.
5: Intentionality -
What’s the different between just stretching… vs yoga.
Or just sitting… vs meditation.
The energy and intention we bring to our pleasure and intimacy wires our nervous system each and every time…
And can take any activity from just a task, to a spiritual experience.
When we are able to be intentional about the thoughts we have, the images in our minds, the energy of our bodies, the way we are interacting with our body and our pleasure… during intimacy or self-pleasure… this can wire our nervous system and program us on every level…
Either in a way that is in alignment with our desires… or in a way that is NOT.. we get to decide.
Asking yourself: “What do I want this pleasure-sesh or intimacy to be about? How can I expand into a more authentic sensual expression in this container?” can help you decode your own intention, and then wire that into your nervous system during your pleasure/intimacy.
6: Guided self-pleasure -
Awaken the senses and connect with your body’s capacity for pleasure by exploring special practices that help you reconnect with your sensuality, within a safe container guided by someone you trust who is aware of how to navigate all the different ways nervous system programming shows.
Pleasure is one of the most powerful ways to reprogram our nervous system, to heal, to soothe it if it’s fried, to awaken it if it’s been asleep or numb in some areas.
Combining nervous system healing with the primal power of the pleasure of our own bodies adds jet fuel to our own healing journey.
10/10 highly recommend :)
I hope you can try these practices out yourself!
If you’re ready to begin this beautiful journey of deprogramming, transformation, and e x p a n s i o n into pleasure in motherhood, check out Pleasure in Bloom.
It’s a FREE starter pack of 5 guided rituals you can do at home to heal your nervous system and reconnect with your innate pleasure.🔥
Let’s rewrite the narrative and create a life of radiant sensual expression!
Can’t wait to witness your blossoming, mama <3
